No one impacts a boy like his dad.
When dad gives him what he needs, he develops an internal sense of worth.
If he doesn’t, the boy spends his life trying to prove his worth.
The best gifts from a father aren’t bicycles or phones.
8 gifts your son needs from you
Availability:
There’s an adage in sports that says, “The best ability is availability.”
The same is true for fathers.
Of all the things that damage the hearts of our sons,
Absence leads the way.
Sadly, most men are largely checked out.
And our sons are paying the price.
Availability starts with being physically there, but includes our emotional, spiritual, and relational presence as well.
It takes intentional work to put aside the pressures and pursuits of life.
But nothing communicates worth more to a boy than a father who shows up.
Delight:
C. S. Lewis said that “joy is the serious business of Heaven.”
I believe joy is also the serious business of fatherhood.
More than anything, our sons need our delight.
The father’s smile communicates a deep truth to the heart of a son – You are worth enjoying.
I wonder how many addictions in adult men started with not being enjoyed as a boy.
When you grow up feeling like a burden to bear or a problem to solve,
It leaves a hole men will try anything to fill.
As dads, we can stop that cycle before it starts.
Give your son your smile.
Approval:
I’m a child of the late 80s.
It was the birth of the self-esteem movement.
And many dads were not having it.
Out of fear that they would raise “soft” sons, they cut against the grain.
They were hard on their boys.
And raised a generation of men starved for approval
Every boy longs to hear two words from his dad:
“Well done!”
When he hears it early and often,
He’s not controlled by other people’s opinions because he’s received the approval of the man who matters most.
Withholding approval doesn’t make him stronger.
It makes him needy.
Physical Play:
Play is powerful.
A 2020 Cambridge study found that physical play with fathers had a significant impact on a child’s emotional development.
Physical play from 0-3 was tied to:
– Fewer instances of hyperactivity
– Less aggression with peers
– Emotion regulation
And it doesn’t have to end after 3.
My teenage sons still push me around and tackle me to the ground.
In the safety of a loving relationship,
Physical play creates a powerful bond between father and son.
The resulting emotional development is just icing on the cake
Allowance for Appropriate Immaturity:
A mentor once said to me,
“Never punish a child for being a child.”
It’s my job to turn my sons into responsible adults.
But I’ve been guilty of expecting too much of them, especially when they were young.
They need freedom to be kids
In your son you want to see appropriate immaturity.
If they’re taking care of the family as a 5 year old, that’s a bad thing.
If they’re 15 and can’t care for themselves, that’s also bad.
Fathers must strike the balance.
Teach them to be men while allowing them to be kids
In-Couragement:
I know I spelled it wrong.
But the word “encouragement” falls short.
Courage doesn’t grow naturally.
It must be spoken into existence.
It is a quality that must be planted into the core of a boy’s being by a man he trusts. In-couraging your son is more than cheering for him or saying “you can do it.”
It’s a sincere expression of belief.
It must be spoken.
It must be repeated.
It must be genuine.
Our world is plagued by men who lack true courage.
Don’t let your son be one of them
Humility:
I’m fascinated by water.
It’s necessary for life to exist.
But, when uncontrolled, it is the most destructive force on the planet.
Pride is the same way.
It’s important to have a certain sense of pride in yourself and your work.
But too much of it tears things apart
When I speak to groups of fathers, I encourage them to “take the lowest seat.”
It’s a phrase borrowed from the medieval pecking order around a banquet table.
It’s a reminder that genuine strength is displayed in self-sacrifice.
As a father, show your sons how to put pride aside
Boundaries:
Nurturing a boy’s heart doesn’t mean anything goes.
One of my sons leaves for college in a week.
He needs to know how the world works.
He won’t live an unlimited life where he gets to do whatever he wants.
Our lives are full of limitations.
And that’s good
As my boys have become young men, they’ve tested the boundaries.
They’ve pushed against me and sought to assert themselves.
I let them. To a point.
There are lines they still can’t cross.
A gentle, firm hand from a loving father creates a boy who knows how to navigate life
I know our sons need more from us than these 8 things.
But I also know that, as fathers, if we give them:
– Availability
– Delight
– Approval
– Physical play
– Appropriate immaturity
– In-couragement
– Humility
– Boundaries
We’ve given our sons gifts they’ll carry for life.
